A test

Being pregnant has its up and down. Each and every single thing that anyone around me do or didn't do, disturbs me so much. One simple example, I feel hurt when my friend didn't say hi to me. It hurts me that I feel like crying. Not her fault though, because she had something going on at that time.

I also cried when I listened to certain song. It reminds me so much of how I feel about my baby and it touches my heart so much. It also hurts when my husband fell asleep downstairs while watching football. I cried all night long. Not any one's fault though. Just that my hearts is easily touched these day.

I cried again today. When the doctor show the scan to me, I was in tears. I could see my baby, so little, moving inside me. Then while driving, I cried again, remembering how the baby looks like. Its so tiring to cry all the time, because I am not someone who cries a lot. Heck, even I used to laugh at people who cried and make fun of them. What's becoming of me?

Then now at the office, I'm almost in tears again. To think about the two of us, my baby and I, what we will go through together. I will try to be the strongest person on earth, for my baby. What I have to go through just to have this baby, and what I have gone though during this 11 weeks.

The office has been a great big deal of a test as well. The calls that comes through, the idiocy of the questions asked, the volume of the calls, the complexity of it, and also with the people that I deal with. Honestly, I do not know how long I can endure this. But I will for the sake of my baby. We need the money. I'm not saying that my hub is not helping but we need all what we can have.

All this, contributed to my high blood pressure. And I need to cool down. I need help to cool down. Please help me....

Mood Swing

Terrible mood swing. Hormones raging up. I'm tired and I'm bored. I am going out of my mind here. I hate my job. I'm pissed and angry all the time today. I'm lonely and sensitive. I am all that and more!
I'm dizzy and feeling nauseated by the smell of this office.

Excuse me. I need to go and puke.

New Role

I'm thrilled as my new role takes place. Being a mother to be, (even by typing it sends shivers to my vein) I'm practically hyperventilating of happiness. And vomiting also, of course. I'm so tired and moody and God knows what else. But that doesn't affect anything about my happiness though.
Isn't this what I always want? Yes. This is exactly how I want it. Er mm.. not exactly. What I had in mind is more... hm mm... easy. I always imagine myself looking beautifully bloated on the stomach. And my baby will softly kicked me and I would be smiling and rubbing my baby. My dress is nothing short of fabulous. I get to wear beautiful pregnant dresses and look serenely, breathtakingly gorgeous with my swelling tummy.
Then my husband will come into the picture, looking as handsome as ever, and lovingly kissed me and our baby to be. What a beautiful picture it will be.
What I had in reality is extremely far from that. I didn't get to wear any pregnant dress yet because, lets just face it, nothing shows for 2 mths pregnant, except my own non-pregnant swelling tummy (fat I tell you, FAT!!!). I'm sure I'll look nothing like a beautiful happy pregnant lady, but look more like an indon maid, overdressed.
But even so, I do feel bloated, and I can't stop throwing out. Thank God I don't smell like vomit. Even with everything that I ate I manage to get it out, I still add few more kilos to my already overweight body. Which is actually a wonder on how did I manage to gain weight by the amount of vomit that came out of me everyday.
And my work just makes things worse. My job requires me to stare at the PC for eight hours and it adds up to my dizziness spell level to be increased. And then there's this ugly headphone attached to my head to enable customers to shout things straight to my brain. Makes things worse you see. I've been thinking to take like a whole 2 mths of leave, but then again, where will I get money from then?
Cravings is something that I still don't feel. Yes I do feel the urges to eat something different, like that day I really wanted to eat 'bubur kampung baru'. Then I have then sudden likeness to green guava. Until I vomit all out that's it, no more green guava for me. But it doesnt seems like a craving to me.
Talk about the food that I must take and musn't take. To put it in the easiest way possible, most of the food that I liked to eat, are strictly forbidden. But most of the food that I really hate to eat are top ten in my food intake list. Talk about urghhhhh...
And now I already felt dizzy by staring at this PC for too long.
By for now.